There's a word in American English that informs me about American culture and irks me about American culture. Have you ever noticed yourself talking about "men and women" as "guys and girls"? Have you ever tried to resist? Doesn't saying "men and women" sound too stilted? Too responsible? Too solemn?
Think about the difference. Often a 'guy' is a buddy, a familial friend. There is the nice guy. We hang out with the guys. A man? I'm not sure if a man is a friend, but doesn't the word command my respect? If you don't see it, compare "he's a good man" with "he's a good guy." Do you hear the diminutive tone of the second? The respect the first commands? The same goes for the bad man and the bad guy. And what does a man do? Well, he does manly things. He builds, commands, and investigates. What does a guy do? Be nice? Be a nuisance? Do you get it?
What about the girl and the woman? The word 'girl' connotes my primary schooling days. The girls would group together, talk of pretty things, play with dolls, laugh with no point, and give a collective "eew!" to something gross. Women? Women connect people, cultivate beauty, raise children, laugh at the time to come, and shun perversions of this world. The word 'woman' also commands respect. If we use the adjective "good," we see it right away. The good woman deserves praise and respect. The good girl is rewarded a pat on the head.
So, a guy is an adolescent, someone who has no expectation to conform to an ideal; he is what he is. A man, a woman is the ideal, the mature teleological end. The same goes for girls and women.
So where are we today? Why do we call our men 'guys' and our women 'girls'? There are a few reasons.
- A 'guy' is friendly to self esteem. I am a guy because that is who I am. If I am called a man and if my behavior doesn't correspond with that term's connotation, then I might feel self conscious or less than perfect.
- Further, a 'guy' is a plastic gender (remember: he is who he is), but a 'man' has a whole history of Judeo-Christian tradition, and it's hard to change a word of such pedigree. It is better to forget it or insult it.
- Reasons (1) and (2) apply to 'girls' and 'women' as well.
You may object: "can't the preference for the 'guy' be explained for it's usefulness in naming a group containing both guys and girls?" But since I'm talking about 'guy' as used for 'man', that objection, doesn't really hurt my argument.
Along the same lines, you may still further object: "This is crazy. When I hang out with the guys, I can't say I hang out with the men. Language and common sense won't allow that phrasing." There is some truth and weight to that objection, but it rests on a false premise: since the connotations of these words aren't entirely desirable, we should completely avoid them. Not at all! I'm not suggesting a complete overhaul of how we use our language today. I can't and shouldn't participate in a top-down control of language, and the same goes for you too. We must live with the lexicon we are dealt. And we cannot pretend to have another. If we do, we will rightly been seen as disconnected from our culture. But still, can't we, like poets, use language with more care, commending the good whenever possible?
There is yet a third objection. "You are presenting your case too strongly. Contrary to your above point, the good guy is the hero of the west, the one who opposes the bad guys. 'Guy' does have good connotations and good uses." Sure, there are certainly good uses for 'guy,' ones that 'man' just can't fill now. So I say again: I don't want the word 'guy' to be removed from our everyday vocabulary, but I do want ideas and ideals to be communicated carefully.
And why should we be so vigilant in our everyday use of these particular words? This misuse of language is part of a broader stream of passive and
active change and control of ideas through language. If we think of men as 'guys' and women as 'girls,' we surrender ourselves to the shirking of responsibility, leaving the behind centuries of wisdom loaded into the words 'man' and 'woman,' and we leave ourselves open to the redefinition of marriage and family, and thus society. And that is a
bad thing.
So if you agree, dear reader, whenever you speak of '
men and women,' try to be more conscious of the connotations of the words you use. Again, I'm not saying we ought to abandon contemporary phraseology; we should use it. I am saying that whenever possible, try to commend the good by speaking precisely and with the mind of the poet.
And whether you agree or disagree, dear reader, your thoughtful comments are most welcome.
